I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
