How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
