I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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