he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
