there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
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I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
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I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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