Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
