That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Michael Bay diarrhea
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
