I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
