it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
