So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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