turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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