i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
