Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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