We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
