If i come over, it means nothing
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
