Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
