You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
