my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my shit smells like andre
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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