i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
