I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
