Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
