look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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