One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
