you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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