I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
