Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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