Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
