is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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