How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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