Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
40s are totally the cure
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
