i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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