i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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