So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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