Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
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