hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We left the knife in your bed.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
