I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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