You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
