I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
