he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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