if only i could text you this smell
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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