Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I lost the right to judge tonight
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
