and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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