Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
