And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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