At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
