Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
