mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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