did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
