margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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