I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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