i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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