If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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