dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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