operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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