she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
