before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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