I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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