Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
