you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
