he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
