Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
