Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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