i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think my fart just growled at me.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
