The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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