When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
